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Post by avonski on Nov 6, 2006 16:36:04 GMT 8
HULAAN MO UGALI KO
Bobo: Pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula sa letter A.
Pare: Approachable?
Bobo: Mali!
Pare: Amiable?
Bobo: Mali pa rin!
Pare: O sige siret na!
Bobo: ANEST wehehe!!!
RAPE!!!
1 panget na babae, hinoholdap…
Holdaper: Holdap ito! Akin na gamit mo!
Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
Holdaper: Anong rape? Holdap nga to eh!
Babae: Wala lang! Nagsusuggest lang…..
FATHER PATAWAD PO...
Killer: Father, mangungumpisal po ako.
Father: Ano kasalanan mo?
Killer: Pumatay po ako ng 20 tao.
Father: Bakit?
Killer: Kasi po naniniwala sila sa Diyos, kayo po naniniwala ba?
Father: Dati…pero ngayon trip trip na lang.
;D ;D ;D
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ace
Junior Member
wen ur nluv, its as if everything seems ryt.. u deny any possibility of error..
Posts: 61
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Post by ace on Nov 6, 2006 21:35:13 GMT 8
one night, mark woks alone in Balete, then he heard: "Mark! Mark!" lumingon siya, walang tao. Mark! Mark! tumakbo siya. Pagdating sa kanto, he saw a sign: "Beware: NGONGONG ASO!"
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connie
Senior Member
im your worst nightmare!
Posts: 1,055
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Post by connie on Nov 7, 2006 18:32:13 GMT 8
;Dat a funera...
Erap: Tara na Jinggoy, umalis na tayo Jinggoy: Eh, Kararating lang natin ah! Erap: Naku, mahirap nang maiwan, basahin mo: "Remains will be cremated".
;)Dumalaw si GMA sa mental hospital...
Dok: Let's welcome President Macapagal Arroyo! Pumalakpak lahat ng pasyente maliban sa isa na nasa sulok...
GMA: o, dok bakit yung isa, hindi pumalakpak? Dok: Ma'am, Magaling na po siya!
:)Isan PANGET na babae, hinoldap
Holdaper:holdap ito! akin na gamit mo! Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! Holdaper: Anong Rape? holdap nga ito eh! Babae: wala lang! nagsusugest lang!...
::)Dalawang tanga'ng magkasintahan, sumakay ng taxi, biglang umulan:
Taxi Driver: O, bakit niyo po binuksan ang payong? Magkasintahan: Umuulan eh..tanga ka ba? hellow???
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Mhelai on Nov 7, 2006 20:22:30 GMT 8
Cow Pat Lip Gloss An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
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Post by Mhelai on Nov 7, 2006 20:25:59 GMT 8
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.
Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless. "I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.
"NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised."
Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.
"Just for that, I'm not going
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Post by Mhelai on Nov 7, 2006 20:26:33 GMT 8
ahahahahah....
ewan ko kung anu-anong pinaglalalagay ko rito!
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Post by Mhelai on Nov 7, 2006 22:38:49 GMT 8
A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale. The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."
"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said.
The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.
"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."
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Post by Mhelai on Nov 7, 2006 22:41:53 GMT 8
Last Request The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn''''t want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.
Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.
"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn''''t even want a special last meal!"
The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."
The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.
The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."
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Post by Mhelai on Nov 7, 2006 22:48:58 GMT 8
o kaya sa kambing.... tutal itatry mo naman ang kalabaw at kabayo eh.... ahahahhaha
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Post by jluvlenskie13 on Nov 8, 2006 11:02:16 GMT 8
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FridaMae
Senior Member
"I should stop the heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain"
Posts: 2,699
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Post by FridaMae on Nov 8, 2006 15:34:09 GMT 8
joke:
dying wife: i'v sumting to tell you!
husband: Dont speak, juz rest.
wife: no, i must confess, i had sex wid your brother and your bestfriend...
husband:shhhhhhhh....... i know, thats why i poisoned you....
ahihihihi
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Post by jluvlenskie13 on Nov 8, 2006 17:47:36 GMT 8
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was tryng to persuade them to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'Thats Michael, he's a doctor." a small voice at the back of the room rang out. "And there's the teacher, she's dead!"
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ace
Junior Member
wen ur nluv, its as if everything seems ryt.. u deny any possibility of error..
Posts: 61
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Post by ace on Nov 8, 2006 18:35:38 GMT 8
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